It sounds so complicated. Why, men ask, can’t we just say, “Hi. I like you. Let’s fuck.” Because most of the time, you’ll get slapped for your sheer audacity, and the type of girls you would be proud to bed aren’t going to give in that easily.



So take a cold shower, and use your head (not that head—the other one.) Think things through. Do toy really want to go to bed with this woman? What if she’s clingy? What if she expects something more? You don’t want her showing up at your door step, ready to plan your wedding, while you think, “Oh my God, what’s her name again?” Or what if she’s just not that into you? Nothing more embarrassing than throwing her against the wall, and ripping off her clothes, and then hear her say, “Uhm, you’re like a brother to me.”

Sex is a three-letter word loaded with a lot of unspoken meanings and expectations. One may think, “I had sex with you, it means I trust you, and am baring both body and soul.” Another may simply take it as a really hot date that ends when you officially leave (hopefully before dawn). Whatever it is, you’ve got to be on the same page. Otherwise, it’ll get emotionally bloody, and you are going to be labeled as the biggest jerk (or the biggest loser). Trust us, reputations spread—so better talk about this than be talked about.



• Open territory. Sex can mean many things to many people. Some see it as pure chemistry, passion, or to put it bluntly, wild lust. This is sex with no strings attached. Sometimes it’s a one night stand, sometimes it’s an on-going agreement where you can “meet up” occasionally but still be free to see other people.



• Sorta seeing each other sorta not. This is when you may be interested in something in the future, but aren’t really ready for any emotionally commitment. It’s a gray area with no promises, but has slightly more emotional involvement. “Hey, you’re cute, I like you, but let’s wait and see where this goes.” Meanwhile, you want to make the waiting fun.



• Seriously into each other. You love her. Oh wow. Big words, but you mean it, and while you’re not quite ready to start making reservations for the reception, you can at least imagine yourself moving in together, possibly even buy a dog.



• Soul mates. You not only want a wedding, but the house, the picket fence, the pet dog, and the station wagon full of kids.

It’s a little hard to say, “So, you feel like having sex tonight?” without sounding like a maniac. So you’ve got to read body language. You can tell what she’s feeling from her hands, her eyes, even the way she sits.



First, check her mouth. Does she wet her lipos with her tongue? Does she bite her fingertip, does she pout her lips while thrusting her breasts forward? (Pretty much the equivalent of saying, “Come and get me, honey.”



How does she look at you? Are her pupils dilated, does she raise her eyebrows or winks? Does she flutter her eyelashes or blink more frequently? Does she look at you through lowered lashes?



Now look at her body. Erect nipples are always a good sign, but also see if she lifts her hem a little to show off a leg, or sits in such a way that she reveals her thigh. Now, if she’s rubbing her leg against the table (or on you!), that’s about all the cue you need—get the bill and head for the nearest bedroom you can find.



Also check if she’s caressing objects on the table: fondling keys, running fingers up and down a wine glass, Doesn’t take much imagination to realize what she’s trying to tell you: “look what I can do to you.”

When you feel it’s “time” set up the mood—say something seductive, and give a kiss that says in no uncertain terms where you hope the evening will end. Normally if you get past that kiss, and all the other buttons and layers of clothes that stand between you and your goal, then it’s safe to say you’re about to have some really good sex.



But remember, if her body says “go” she can still say no. Don’t be desperate and force her into something that she’s not ready for. Date rape is still a crime, and saying “she looked like she wanted me!” will not get you any sympathy in court. If you’re a real gentleman you’ll stop in the middle and ask, “Are you sure you want this? I can wait if you want.” As painful as that sounds, it earns you a million brownie points for being a gentleman. It may even convince her to swallow.

These tips apply to both men and women, and are particularly important in this age. Let’s not be naïve. There are some psychos out there, not to mention a host of STD’s. Got to make sure that the person you’re having sex with is both clean, and sane. (Hey, you’ve got to have some standards.)



Try to get an idea of the person’s background, especially if you weren’t introduced by a common friend who can vouch for the two of you. Don’t put too much faith into Internet identities. It’s easy to make that up. Ask questions and see if the answers add up.



Bring contraceptives. Never rely on somebody else to “take care of it”—and remember, a condom is your best protection against STD’s. Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t feel the same, but get the “ultra thins” or have fun with the different flavors. Whatever you miss from “direct” contact you gain from knowing that you won’t end up with HIV for a souvenir.
Let a close friend know where you’re going. No, you don’t have to invite her over, unless you’re into threesomes. Just have someone know that you’re meeting up with so and so, and you expect to be back by so and so time. At least if you suddenly disappear, and nobody hears from you for the next few days, somebody can raise the alarm. (Haven’t you seen enough CSI episodes to believe why this important?)